From Selective to Rejective: Changing the College Admissions Narrative

We’re going to talk about a phrase that’s been tossed around a lot—highly-selective colleges. You’ve probably heard it a million times, and it’s usually said with a sense of awe, right? But today, I want to flip that script a bit. Instead of calling these schools highly-selective, let’s start thinking of them as highly-rejective.

Now, you might be thinking, "Why the change in terminology?" And that’s exactly what we’re going to unpack in today’s episode. 

So, let’s start with why we call these universities highly-selective in the first place. It’s a term that implies a sense of prestige and exclusivity. It makes you think of a school carefully picking the very best students from an ocean of applicants. The phrase itself sounds almost like a compliment—selective, meaning they’re discerning, they’re choosing the cream of the crop. But here’s the thing—when you dig a little deeper, that term doesn’t really capture what’s happening.

Let’s look at the numbers. The most elite schools in the country—think Harvard, Stanford, MIT—have acceptance rates that hover around 4-6%. That means 94-96% of the students who apply get a rejection letter. Ninety-four to ninety-six percent. That’s a huge number, right? So, if you’re one of those 95% who didn’t get in, does that mean you weren’t enough? Or maybe it’s not about being selective at all, but rather about how many people are simply turned away.

This brings us to why the term highly-rejective might be more accurate. When a school is rejecting 19 out of every 20 applicants, the focus isn’t so much on selection as it is on rejection. And the impact of that rejection is something we need to talk about. For many students, getting that rejection letter can feel like a judgment of their worth, their capabilities, even their future. It’s not just a “Sorry, we don’t have room for you,” but often feels like a “Sorry, you’re not good enough.” And that’s a heavy burden to carry.

Calling these schools highly-rejective puts the focus back on the process and the emotional toll it takes. It acknowledges that the vast majority of applicants are left out, not because they aren’t talented or deserving, but because the system is designed that way. It’s not about being the best fit; it’s about being one of the few who make it through a nearly impossible gauntlet.

Now, I’m not saying we should villainize these institutions. They have a limited number of seats, and admissions officers and enrollment management professionals have to make tough decisions. But I do think it’s important to shift the narrative. When we talk about highly-selective schools, we tend to place them on a pedestal, as if getting in is the ultimate goal. But when we start referring to them as highly-rejective, it changes the conversation. 

Here’s the thing—there are thousands of colleges and universities out there. Most of them have acceptance rates that are much more reasonable, and they offer fantastic education and opportunities. But they often get overshadowed by the handful of schools with those tiny acceptance rates. By calling those elite schools highly-rejective, we can begin to recognize that there’s more to a great education than just getting into a brand-name institution.

And let’s not forget what this term does for the students themselves. If we start thinking of these schools as highly-rejective, it might help shift the mindset of applicants. Instead of seeing a rejection as a personal failure, they might start to see it as part of a process that’s incredibly competitive and, frankly, a little bit arbitrary. It’s not a reflection of their worth or potential; it’s just the nature of the game.

So, what can we do with this new perspective? Well, first, we can be more mindful of the language we use. When we talk about colleges, especially with young people who are in the thick of the admissions process, let’s try to focus less on the prestige of selective schools and more on finding the right fit for each individual. We can also encourage students to apply broadly and to schools where they’ll thrive—not just the ones with the smallest acceptance rates.  And for those who do face rejection from these highly-rejective schools, let’s remind them that it’s not the end of the world. In fact, it might just be the beginning of a different, and just as rewarding, path.  

Remember, whether you’re a student, a parent, or an educator, the goal isn’t to get into a highly-selective school—it’s to find a place where you can grow, learn, and succeed. After all, where you go is not the same as who you’ll become.