Rulers are fascinating, aren’t they? No? Ok, bear with me for a few minutes then.
They helped engineers draft the buildings we live and work in. They help artists bring an edge (if you will) to their creations. In math, they help measure distance. They equip interior designers in their transformation of empty spaces. Be they physical or digital, they even factored into designing the diplomas you will receive today and the margins of the speeches you will hear -- including this one.
And that’s just for spatial measurements! Measuring cups help us bake! Flasks help us in chemistry! Scales help us garner the weight or mass of objects. Thermometers gauge the temperatures in our bodies, our rooms, and the outside as well. And so on.
There are a million ways to measure the things around you. Fact: did you know that the Eiffel Tower can grow by about six inches each summer due to fluctuations in temperature? But measuring stuff is easy.
Measuring an individual person, well, that’s impossible. Now, I’m not talking about measuring someone’s body in terms of height or weight. I’m talking about how we “size up” a person or how we gauge our own success or value. There’s no way to quantify the value of a person, yet we as humans can’t seem to escape the desire to try. Back in the late 1900’s - or as your parents and I call it, when we were your age - it was all about “Keeping up with the Joneses.” The Joneses, unlike the Kardashians folks keep up with today, were a fictional family that embodied success and admiration. Big houses, prestigious titles, flashy cars, expensive clothes – OK, maybe a bit like the Kardashians. But if you wanted to be considered the best, you had to have it all.
The pressure to keep up with grades, get into a good college or university, nab scholarships – those pressures have existed for decades. Today, with the prevalence of social media, you will face additional pressures as you enter the world. Now, you’re not just keeping up with the Joneses across the street, you’re also keeping up with the Herreras in California, the Patels in Minnesota, the Nguyens in New York, and yes…the Kardashians who are seemingly everywhere all at once.
It can feel overwhelming. While the pressure to “perform and succeed” is something we’ve all experienced, the public intensity of digital life is something many of us elderly folks - your parents, your employers, and teachers - didn’t have to face when we were your age.
That’s why the advice I want to give you is even more important: “Nope Out. Avoid. Unsubscribe.” When you feel the urge to measure yourself against your classmates, your coworkers, your friends – don’t do it. You cannot measure your worth using external rulers.
And let me be clear - this isn’t just advice for when things are difficult. It’s easy to say “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know…” when things are difficult. The reverse is also true. When things are going well there is a temptation to compare our achievements to others as a way of validating ourselves. It feels good, but external validation is always, ALWAYS temporary.
Instead, graduates, I urge to design your own ruler. How do you weigh your priorities in life? How do you measure success? Is success just a number on your paycheck? Or is it the impact you can make on your community? Can you quantify happiness by likes on a post or the quality of relationships you nurture in your life?
My advice? Avoid comparison and strive toward balance. There are no algorithms or formulas to measure a well-lived life. Find a balance between work and play, friends and family, responsibility, and adventure. Unlike the Eiffel Tower - no matter what happens to you or around you – your value and worth don’t change.
Your GPA doesn’t change your worth. Your paycheck doesn’t change your worth. The number on the scale doesn’t change your worth. You are as worthy, valuable, beautiful, and important as anyone else in the world – and you can’t put a number on that.